I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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