yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
