I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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