Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
