epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
