who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
