there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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