Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
