so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize