My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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