I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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