I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
