Pregnant stripper...not hot.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
