he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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