btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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