I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
