really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
