3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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