i just wanna soil my oats bro
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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