im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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