Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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