You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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