so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
