What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm always down for nudity.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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