Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
