it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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