Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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