..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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