I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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