I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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