my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
