oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize