Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
