Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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