She announced her abortion via fbk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
