Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
