Your tits are I can't wait for
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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