I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is my gift to your gina
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
