I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
