my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
