Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
