Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
