Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so much tequila, so little girl.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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