Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM

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(443): View more from Maryland

the ceiling is raining jello shotss

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.

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(716): View more from New York

I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.

(865): View more from Tennessee

Spopky scrzy skeletonssz

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(217): View more from Illinois

He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass

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(231): View more from Michigan

I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.

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