I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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