Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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