You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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