god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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