I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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