I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
