Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Congratulations! We have a period
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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