I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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