I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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