my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
