i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
