he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
