Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize