that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
