when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
