I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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