I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
