I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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