I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
