I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
