It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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