Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
