One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
