Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
