you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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