I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
