Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
