nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
