dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
