There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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