Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
did you just send me my own nude
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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