This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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