she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
