about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
