go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
