Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck appropriateness.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
