Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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