eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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