I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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