nut hugger
If that was your dad, he is hot
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
