Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
