youre lurking in front of me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
