Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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