So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize