y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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