i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
