as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
